gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
