Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize