i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
