i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
