before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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