in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
