Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
