Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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