I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
not ubering you a puppy
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
