I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
