It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
