if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
