With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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