So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
