your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
