after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
