i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
