my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
