addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
