im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
