sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
