I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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