I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize