a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
