I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
