i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize