ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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