I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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