He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
