My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
