Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
