between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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