ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
