EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
