I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie