did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina