i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.