idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
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YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.