So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Canadian or clown?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.