Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong