remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
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College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
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We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news