Princesses don't give blow jobs
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
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My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
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I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident