Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal