my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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