Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
