He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
