He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
