either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
