You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The struggles of a small town man whore
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
