If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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