he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
