i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
