I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
