the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
