My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
