my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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