so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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