I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
