4 words: hood of his car
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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