So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
