There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
