this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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