Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
