1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my sisters under your porch take her home
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
