Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
