There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
