I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
