Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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