well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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