Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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