Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
