Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
