i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
