i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
