My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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