is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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