I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I want a musical about memes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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