Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
