found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
